Sexual assault myths: Fact versus Fiction
sexual assault
Taking responsibility for sexual abuse
“Rape is one of the most terrible crimes on earth and it happens every few minutes. The problem with groups who deal with rape is that they try to educate women about how to defend themselves. What really needs to be done is teaching men not to rape. Go to the source and start there.” – Kurt Cobain
The issue of sexual assault first attracted my attention earlier this year when there was a profusion of sexual assault cases in my area. I heard in the news that literally just around the corner from where I live a woman had been sexually assaulted at 8pm at night. Then suddenly another story hits the news cycle where another woman was sexually assaulted at 6am in the morning, again not far from my home. Coming from a relatively safe area where most things are walking distance this posed as a shock.
For the next month or so women in my area were urged by police to be careful on the streets. But at 8pm, seriously? Sometimes I’m only getting home from a day at work or university at that time. I feel like as a woman I should not have to be worried coming home at such an early hour of the night.
Suddenly my life started to revolve around this; I was paying for taxis to just go up the street and was changing my schedule to avoid coming home late.
I started to do some research into the topic and was surprised to find that this was only a small proportion of the issue and that more than 70% of sexual assault cases are committed by someone the victim knows, generally in a safe familiar location. This for me was scarier.
Sexual assault cases hit the news frequently and never fail to involve some form of victim blaming – “what did she expect after drinking that much?”
But I ask myself, is it supporting rape culture when reminding women not to drink and leave themselves vulnerable?
Do not drink, do not wear revealing clothing, do not walk alone at night. Women are told on the daily how to not get assaulted when really these statements are all big fat lies.
I’m not saying women should not be aware and careful. You can check out my posts on how to date safe and how to avoid drink spiking which are very important for all women to know. But women should always know it is never their fault. Period. No matter what the situation is. Stranger abuse or relationship abuse.
The conversation has to change.
The truth behind these myths needs to be uncovered.
We need to stop the silence.
-CD
It’s never too early for education
‘It’s MY body’ – a children’s book by Lory Freeman written as a means for adults to discuss sexual abuse with their children without any awkwardness or alarm, instead focusing on open and sincere communication.
Obviously small children are not ready for explicit details on the issue of sexual assault however it is important that they learn how to make decisions about their bodies and how to communicate this with others. There is no direct reference to sexual abuse or violence throughout the story however the book illustrates touching codes in which children can use in order to protect themselves.
This is a really great step in protecting children from sexual assault however this is much more education which needs to happen in these early years.
Consent, something generally framed as “no” means “stop” in a child’s mind. Yes it is important that all children understanding the meaning of no however this is not the only way to show a lack of consent.
It is understandable why many parents withdraw from this topic of discussion with their children as it does seem a bit overwhelming. Nonetheless it should be taught. It is extremely important as it will structure the way a child acts in future relationships throughout both adolescence and adulthood.
Parents should always be modelling consent to their children and allowing them to make choices. Also by treating other adults well with good communication and boundaries it will demonstrate good behaviour for their children.
This dialogue should then never stop and should develop as the child does. It is also imperative the discussion should be balanced with children knowing that touching is not bad in every case but there are boundaries.
For more information you can check out steps on how to teach your child at different ages here http://everydayfeminism.com/2013/03/teaching-kids-consent-ages-1-21/
– CD
What you need to know about date rape drugs
An article published earlier this year by Snopes.com discusses the reported recent development that college students have developed a nail polish “Undercover Colours” which can detect the presence of date rape drugs.
The article however states “Undercover Colors hasn’t demonstrated they have anything more tangible than a concept at this point… some critics have maintained that the concept of such drug-detecting fingernail polish isn’t even a feasible one.”
Each year thousands of young women and men fall victim to drink spiking involving both alcohol and drugs being added to their drink without them knowing. And in many cases they are used before the act of sexual assault.
Drug detecting nail polish or not, it is important for all young people to be aware of this issue and know that no matter what the situation is, drink spiking is illegal.
What are they?
Drugs used in drink spiking are referred to as “date rape drugs” with alcohol being the most commonly abused. Others include gamma-hydroxbutyrate, ketamine, and tranquilisers such as valium and rohypnol. These can come in powder, liquid or tablet form and do not always have a recognisable taste or smell so therefore commonly go unnoticed.
How can you tell if your drink has been spiked?
Most drug effects take up to 15-30 minutes to show and these symptoms may last for several hours. Symptoms generally include:
- Blurred vision
- Memory loss
- Blackouts
- Lack of concentration
- Loss of balance
- Paranoia
- Hallucinations
- Nausea
- Lowered inhibitions
How to avoid drink spiking?
- Never leave your drink unattended
- Don’t accept a drink from someone you don’t know
- Stick to bottled drinks and avoid punch bowls
- If you think your drink may have been touched do not drink it
If you ever start feeling strange or suddenly more drunk than you should be you should always get help immediately whether it be telling someone who is with you or getting to your local hiospital or emergency unit.
Read more about Undercover Colors and date rape drugs at http://www.snopes.com/2015/06/05/undercover-colors/
-CD
Grey rape: what the kids are calling it these days.
Whilst reading an article regarding the other day I stumbled across the term “grey rape”. I had never heard of this term before and honestly had no idea what it meant, was it literal?
When I looked it up I found it is a fairly common term which is used to describe acquaintance and date assaults instead of “real rape” which describes stereotypical stranger assaults with high levels of violence.
Considering more than 70% of sexual assault cases are in fact committed by someone that victim knows on a personal level, the majority of rape cases therefore fall into the category of “grey rape” and therefore this should not be a typical ‘grey area’ – but it is.
An article published in Cosmopolitan Magazine in 2007 defines grey rape to be “sex that falls somewhere between consent and denial and is even more confusing than date rape because often both parties are unsure of who wanted what.”
Cosmo Magazine is not the only one to publish articles regarding this new myth, with others depicting that some areas of sexual abuse, such as date rape are less serious than others. In that is being sexually abused by someone you are dating not as bad as being abused by a stranger? You do know them on an intimate level right so can’t be that bad?
Fact: it is.
This new term is dangerous in society as it promotes the myth that sexual assault does not count when it is committed by someone you know, in some cases it is an ‘accident’ and that it is not really sexual assault is alcohol, flirting or other actions are involved.
The failure to recognize that all sexual assault cases are bad is excusing perpetrators from taking accountability and leading to victims feeling at fault.
Stranger or partner, drunk or sober – all forms of sexual assault are a crime and if you have experienced any unwanted sexual contact you deserve to be heard.
– CD
The good, the bad and the ugly of sexual assault campaigns
Sexual assault is a prominent issue in society with victims not speaking out about it and perpetrators not understanding the definition of rape. There have been numerous campaigns tailored towards the issue of sexual abuse which have mixed reviews by many and here we will review three campaigns which particularly stood out.
Sussex Police Rape Poster:
A police campaign in Sussex which intended to combat the issue of sexual assault has in fact been strongly criticised for signifying that rape is the victim’s liability. The campaign asks the question “which one of your mates is the most vulnerable on a night out?” and then goes on to answer “the one you leave behind. Many sexual assaults could be prevented. Stick together and don’t let your friend leave with a stranger or go off on their own.”
Victim blaming is common in today’s society especially regarding the issue of sexual assault and although this poster had good intentions, it must be prioritised to spread the knowledge that it is never the victims fault. This particular poster conforms to the tradition of sexual assault campaigns always being targeted towards the victim and prospective victims rather than those who really have the control to avoid it – the perpetrators.
Victims need to be encouraged to speak out but after seeing posters like this portraying victim blaming are they really going to want to speak about it? Why not target men with messages about consent?
Don’t be that guy campaign:
Unlike the previous campaign, this campaign aims to target young men by showing them that sexual assault is never okay no matter how much a girl has had to drink. The campaign also persists to contest the myth that sexual assault is committed by stereotypical bad guys in dark alleyways by illustrating that it generally occurs between two people who know each other and hence targets issues of consent and alcohol abuse.
Posters with provocative imagery such as passed out young women were disseminated throughout college campuses in the US and advertisements were displayed on busses and television.
This campaign was a great effort to move away from victim blaming by changing the focus of sexual assault messages from women’s behaviour to men’s.
Project Unbreakable:
Grace Brown, founder of Project Unbreakable, aspired to depict a touching and heart wenching story of survival for sexual assault victims. The project involves a compilation of photographs which each feature a sexual assault victim holding a poster with a quote from their attacker.
With more than 2000 photographs being exposed, this project is like no other as it is not only aiming to prevent it but also generates awareness of the diverse issues surrounding sexual assault. It is helping victims to improve by empowering other victims to come forward and share their stories.
Which campaign do you believe to be most effective?
-CD
Sexual assault: the after math
For anyone that has been victim to sexual abuse and still suffering from severe post effects please know you are not alone. Sexual assault is a very personal and self destructive experience which can have ongoing emotional, psychological and physical effects. As every person is different, everyone has their own way to deal with things however we aim to explain the most common responses experienced by victims of sexual assault.
DENIAL – following the initial shock of a sexual abuse incident, it is ordinary for victims to deny to themselves or others that the event has occurred. This is very normal as victims may wish to restrain the memory and aspire to recover the constancy in their lives.
INSOMNIA – victims of sexual violence are often prone to nightmares and sleepless nights in which they may relive the experience or similar occurrences. It is very common for a victims subconscious keep thinking about what has happened and replaying the incident.
FLASHBACKS – similar to nightmares, many victims have strong memories of the incident which are in many cases so vivid they feel they are reliving the experience.
EMOTIONAL NUMBNESS – after a traumatic occurrence in which a victim has experienced loss of control and a sense of helplessness it is normal but them to feel weak and unemotional. This is dangerous and may be interpreted wrong by others as it comes across that they are composed and in control of the situation.
SELF BLAME – it is extremely common for victims to believe the incident was their own fault and that the situation could have been avoided if they had acted differently. This is particularly related to the issue of victim blaming and a myth surrounding sexual assault that it is always the victims fault.
SHAME – victims commonly feel embarrassing by what has happened and therefore do not want to speak out about it. This can result in underreporting of the issue as well as difficulties for victims in future relationships and situations.
LOSS OF CONFIDENCE – after a sexual violence incident, it is normal for a victim to feel degraded and humiliated. This can result in a lack of confidence especially sexual confident leading to them finding it difficult to establish a healthy sexual relationship in the future.
FEAR AND HOSTILITY – sexual abuse is a scary and distressing experience therefore victims may gain a fear of being by themselves. It is also very common for victims to develop a sense of fear or hostility towards the gender of their offender.
DEPRESSION – it is very common that sexual assault can lead to depression in forms of fear, anxiety or self hatred. Many victims find it hard to cope with the pressures and effects following a sexual assault incident and therefore become depressed.
It is important for all sexual assault victims to know YOU ARE NOT ALONE and THERE IS ALWAYS HELP. It is important for victims to speak out and for society to be aware of the issue of sexual abuse in order for other victims to overcome their post experience effects.
– CD
Fed up of being touched inappropriately at live music gigs and nightclubs? You are not alone.
It is not okay to inappropriately touch a woman on the street and it is definitely not okay to do it in the workplace. Then why for some reason do men think it is more than okay to inappropriately touch women when they are in dark crowded spaces such as a live music venue or nightclub? Any women (or man in some cases) who has spent time in a mosh pit or crowded dance floor are likely to nod and describe their own personal experience of when this has happened to them.
As discussed in a recent segment of Triple J’s half an hour program ‘Hack’ which covers all sorts of news tailored towards Australia’s youth, for far too long music venues, festivals and nightclubs have provided men with opportunities to harass and grope women in an almost anonymous way.
One live music fan told Hack, “if it was in the workplace or any other place at any other time, and someone grabbed my butt, I could sue them. But for some reason it’s apparently OK when you’re in a nightclub.”
In a survey conducted, we found that out of 25 women who were surveyed between the ages 18 and 25 and who commonly attend live music events and night clubs, 100% of them said they have been touched inappropriately by another member of the crowd. This astonishing statistic shows this a serious problem within the music and entertainment industry which needs to be addressed.
The Victorian Government has recently called on the music industry and formed a taskforce which aims to make Victoria’s live music scene safer for women both working in the industry and attending events. Through joining forces with Melbourne Group ‘Listen’ and well known DJ and promoter Katie Pearson convening the taskforce after being assaulted herself earlier this year at a Melbourne bar, they are working towards seriously addressing this issue.
There is a need to make it safe for women to go out and have a fun time in a safe environment without worrying about being harassed or touched inappropriately by men. For any women who have experienced this, know that you are not alone.
If you have anything to add you can share your own stories – we appreciate your comments!
http://www.abc.net.au/triplej/hack/
– CD
How to date safe: 5 tips for women to avoid risky situations when dating
Dating can be a scary concept in many ways. What do you wear? Where do you go? What do you talk about? But it can also be scary if you are not careful. Although in most cases there will be no safety issues involved in the dating process, there are cases where things can go completely wrong and women may find themselves in risky and unsafe situations.
Therefore it is always good to be aware of some tell tale signs that your date may end badly.
- First and foremost, never ignore your gut instincts.
Situation: you are out with your friends and are approached by a charming and friendly man who asks if you would like a drink. You are looking for some adventure and romance so you think why not? However as things move on, suddenly your gut is telling you this may not be the best idea.
It is important to always follow those instincts as in majority of cases your gut is right. It is always better to be safe and sorry and although in most cases it will be fine, it is better to go home safe wondering what would have happened than ending up in a bad situation wishing you had never done it.
- Your date wants to take you to a secluded location.
You have just spent a really nice few hours with your date and somewhere secluded sounds like a good idea. If you feel comfortable in this situation then go ahead he is probably a respectable guy however if you do not know him very well and do not feel relaxed going somewhere private with him then make sure this does not happen. Majority of assault cases take place somewhere out of the public eye so always be careful who you go off with.
- Your date is encouraging you to drink more.
A date can be very intimidating and a few wines may help in calming the nerves. If you do feel that your date may be attempting to get you drinking a few too many then make sure you know your limits and stop. You do not want to lose touch with your surroundings and become too relaxed or trusting as this is a very common way for assaulters to entice their victims.
- Your date meets up with or invites along his friends.
What a coincidence! 3 or 4 of your date’s mates have just turned up out of nowhere and now they all want you to go somewhere private with them. This may not be a coincidence at all and just because there are other guys there does not mean your date cannot harm you.
- Finally, if things get weird – leave!
If you are feeling uncomfortable at all or if he has said anything weird or unnecessary do not be afraid to leave. Even if he is a nice guy you should not feel bad telling him that you would like to go home.
It may seem like we are being paranoid but dating in today’s society is not always as safe as you would think. Most of the time the man you are going on a date with is a gentleman however it is always important to trust your instinct – sometimes you will just be able to tell that it is not right.
It is up to you to make the decision on whether you think it is safe or not nevertheless these are a few tips to help guide you in judging dating situations.
– CD
The power of cine-activism: a quick review of the documentary ‘The Hunting Ground’
‘The Hunting Ground’ – a shocking documentary which hit hard to home being a fellow university student with its eerie and blunt depiction of the issue of sexual assault on college campuses in The United States. Directed by Kirby Dick and produced by Amy Ziering, the film aims to combat the invisible war taking place on masses of American campuses around the country.
In 2014, The Whitehouse released guidelines on how campus sexual assault cases should be handled. The Hunting Ground presents how a number of these American universities which are prominently under investigation by the Department of Education, mishandled their sexual assault and rape accusations.
The 103 minute documentary uses techniques such as face-to-face interviews and confronting graphics and imagery to frame the stories of both victims and perpetrators. A variety of male and female students speak to the camera recounting their personal stories of being assaulted on campus and afterward being denied of justice by their own university. Studies from the film suggest that 16-20% of women in America are sexually assaulted on campus therefore the film focuses on its core argument that universities are often failing to act when victims of sexual assault come forward seeking justice. Universities are downplaying their incidents of sexual assault and instead selling themselves as a brand with financial incentives.
Through the visual imagery and personal representations, the film meets its endeavour in adequately reflecting the dissonance currently encompassing the present conversation surrounding sexual assault and rape. The stories of those affected are delivered solemnly and honestly ensuing the film being a must watch in the industry of cine-activism.
The Hunting Ground was first premiered at the Sundance Film Festival 2015 and is now subsequently broadcasted on TV channel CNN. Watch the trailer here:
– CD
Allies of Truth 